Listen…there’s one thing that you don’t even realize you’re doing and it’s costing you your relationship. I know it costed me one big one. The one that isn’t technically supposed to.

Do you have any idea? Take a wild guess?

Is it your lack of communication? Is it your lack of effort? Lack of love?

Guess again.

Give up?

Spoiler alert. We lack the ability to be vulnerable.

Vul·ner·a·ble

adjective: vulnerable

Susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm

SUSCEPTIBLE to physical and or emotional ATTACK or HARM. I had to highlight these points as even the dictionary makes it seem as if it’s a negative thing.

So we avoid this, like the plague, or your dentist.

So it starts here. Without it, true communication ceases to exist, misunderstandings start to sprout everywhere, and you’re not expressing your true feelings as they should be, at face value as intended.

Your effort becomes lackadaisical at best, because your entire heart is not in it. And if you have walls, then that doesn’t even equate to anything close to self-love. So why are you even in a relationship? How can you say that you “love” someone if you’re not even in “love” with yourself. You’ve built walls to protect yourself all these years.

Being vulnerable is saying “Okay, I am ready for anything and everything, the beauty with the pain, the glory and the storm..”

My marriage fell apart because I wasn’t being vulnerable. I was bottling everything up, and I wasn’t letting anything out. I wasn’t showing any emotion, because I felt I needed to be strong for my family. But let me tell you, when it’s gone, because it can be gone in a split second…

And you have no way of dealing with that..then I’m sorry to say, you’re in a world of pain as soon you finally realize it’s because you’ve been burying for years, the ability to be…vulnerable.

Instead, take my word for it. Take what I say here and save your marriage. Save your relationship, right now.

Be honest, be open, be you. Your true self. The one you’ve always intended to be, and don’t let anyone dictate that anymore. Not even yourself. Because you are your own worst enemy in that regard, so protect yourself in the realest way possible.

Let those walls down, and you’ll be able to enter a new stage of life with a brand new lens and with a wider and more positive outlook on life. Why? Because you’re not afraid of anything anymore.

No more fear of judgment, no more fear of being someone you’re not for the rest of your life.

But more importantly, you have no more fear of regret.

Being vulnerable can lead to so many things, it can open up new windows of opportunity you weren’t even aware of. Your partner will feel more closer to you, more connected, strengthening a bond that was facing resistance. There’s no more pressure to perform in a certain way.

You become…well, You.

So I suggest you try these 4 things right now to help you be more VULNERAGEOUS

1.  Write a Love Letter

Remember what it was like to be kids in elementary school where we would have these crushes and send them little notes or valentine’s day cards? Well that was us expressing our inner emotions.

So get creative, and crafty. Write an open love letter to your partner, where you can express the things you cannot say in a short period of time with the right words.

2.  Watch a Movie

One that makes you sad. Pause it at the point you feel most vulnerable and open up about why that makes you want to cry. Are you holding back tears? Don’t. This is an intense bonding moment and can be super beneficial when handled with intention. Let your partner know that this is a huge part of who you are. Whether it be a movie or a certain place that brings back memories, you get the idea. The point is, be comfortable with your sadness.

3.  Listen

To your favorite love songs together. No words, just cuddling, hugging, and lots of hand holding. This could lead to “ahem”…we’ll leave that to your imagination.

4.  Cook a Romantic Meal

Not just any meal. The meal that means the most to you. One that you will share forever. Be very thoughtful and intentional about it. Put your heart and soul into this one, and bring out your inner artist as you fancy up the plate

You are Picasso meets Gordon Ramsay. Let all your senses come into play, from the aromas to the ambiance. Pay attention to the details, it helps you in every way possible. But don’t sweat it if something goes wrong. Use some humor. As it can be a great story around a campfire.

This may seem awkward at first, but if you are anything of a REAL man, then it shouldn’t be. Life is meant to be comfortable, and proud of who we are, naturally.

So embrace your vulnerability, your sensitivity, your courage to be you. Because at the end of the day, we have one shot at this, and we deserve the rewards of being vulnerable as fast as humanly possible.

Wishing you true happiness and joy throughout your life… I am rooting for you.

Your Turn:

What are some ways you will be more vulnerable in your relationships?

Robin Choe

Robin Choe

Author, professional speaker, and philanthropist

Robin is an author, professional speaker, and philanthropist. He’s on a mission to normalize the talks about divorce between families and society’s viewpoint as well, while helping the children thrive.

He helps hundreds of divorced dads get over the mental road blocks and traps they put themselves in, and fights to bring them out of isolation. He’s built a big following of divorced dads and runs a free podcast so they can overcome their divorce. He interviews all people, including women and children affected by divorce, to shed some light on the different perspectives and viewpoints during a divorce.

In his spare time he loves to cook, read books, stays active and loves the outdoors, and helping others fall into the journey of happiness.

 

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