Take a step back and really think about this:
How did you choose the people you surrounded yourself with when you were growing up?
Seriously, take a moment to think about the answer before reading further.
I was a nerd until I was 12. All my friends were video game geeks and computer savvy kids. My concept of rebelliousness was to pretend I was asleep, then turn on the video game on mute and play until 4 in the morning. All my friends did the same thing. We truly had things in common that we talked about day after day.
From 13-ish to 19, I got rebellious for real-ish. All my friends were skateboarders and surfers. Kids who liked graffiti, bicycles and mopeds. We were together almost every day from early morning to bed time. There were other kids that we didn’t get along with, no fights, they were just into other stuff. And they too flocked together.
They weren’t expected to like us and we weren’t supposed to like them. Life went on.
Here’s a great reminder:
“There was life and then there was school.”
I happened to get my first real job very young, I was 17. That was the beginning of the box life. I didn’t choose the other people who would be in that box with me 8-10 hours a day. They didn’t choose me either.
For the next 8 years, it was a slow process migrating from friends I had met because I liked skateboarding or whatever, to meeting friends because we were in the same box. I have met a lot of great souls in the different boxes I was in, I fit in. My soul transformed from this multi-faceted, non-uniform thing to well… a square, I had to fit in the box.
Nobody likes to not be accepted.
It’s safe inside the box, very safe. I could have my weekends to go do what the other people inside the box were doing, after all, we just spent 40-50 hours together, so we must have a lot to talk about. At this point we even had a lot of things in common. Damn, we even started to hold the same beliefs! We all fit in.
The lukewarm bath water feels so comforting, it’s always lukewarm. Always.
At 25, I changed my box walls from rigid brick walls to glass and I was able to see all the different shapes on the outside. I saw colors and multi-faced souls flying around and truly being themselves.
This is when I started to change and it’s very easy to say that now.
This process started at levels of my mind that I’m far from comprehending. When this transformation started I thought I was the problem.
Why doesn’t the square shaped box and lukewarm water feel good anymore? Everything and everyone around me says so.
Through this hard to explain set of events in my subconscious mind, I realized I didn’t have much in common with the other people in the box.
Beliefs, ideas, dreams, daily routines. Unlike when I was a teenager, now I’m “supposed to” fit in a group I started to think I didn’t belong to. At this point, everything becomes conflicted – Why? Because you go through a “not fit in” phase and that’s totally pandemonium.
Pandemonium is right.
One thing that I realized was that-
“There was the box and then there was life.”
I kind of accepted it and got on with life, it is the way that it is. Isn’t that what we hear all the time anyways?
“It is the way that it is…”
I was looking at a multi-faceted, non-uniform and colorful life that didn’t match reality.
Maybe some people label that as a “life crisis” in the present moment, but you will likely label that “regret” later – in retrospect.
This process of rediscovery could be compared to the life-cycle of a butterfly.
The egg is when I realized something had to change.
The larva is the initial euphoria, the motivational videos, the first baby step towards the right direction, the dreams.
The pupa is the hardest part (and it’s the phase I’m currently in). The pupa’s hard shell is hard to break. It gets lonely. The grand vision gets blurry – often by other people who inflict doubt and disbelief in your rediscovery journey.
But it’s only through the pupa phase that the butterfly develops its wings. If you break out of the pupa prematurely your wings won’t be developed and you won’t be able to fly. That preparation period is essential to become a beautiful butterfly.
And of course, there is the butterfly phase.
Progress in the pupa phase is not always visible, in fact, it’s mostly invisible. That gets hard over-time. I’m working hard every day. I’m developing myself. I’m dreaming big. But the grand results I aspire to achieve seem like are never in sight.
I think that’s partially because we have been conditioned to be motivated by physical results. A new car, new phone, new house, new this, new that. So, when we don’t literally see results, we feel like we are not making progress.
If there is one thing that I have learned so far it is that very few people are opened to this process of true self-discovery.
It’s uncomfortable and it leaves you very vulnerable, but it’s places like Be Moved that make me feel at home.
Find your home and embrace the process.
What phase are you in your life? An egg, larva, pupa, or butterfly? How are you moving from where you are to the next phase?
Entrepreneur, Podcast Host and Founder of Kegs & Code
Lucas Alcalde is an aspiring Entrepreneur, Podcast Host and Founder of Kegs & Code. He expresses his creativity through beer and wine products but the Kegs & Code mission is to share the stories of people who have a dream and are making it happen.