Are you a people pleaser? Do you know someone who goes out their way to please others? Here are the telltale signs: This person goes above and beyond what is requested of them, even at their own expense. They pretend to agree with others just to appease them while pushing aside their own personal opinions. They’ll join in on the “fun” when it’s really not fun.
If someone calls this person stupid or puts them down, they instead resist the urge to be combative and do something nice for the other person. Despite all the efforts of the people pleaser, they often end up being walked all over and disrespected.
I get it. I’ve been there. For most of my life I have been a people pleaser. I have felt the urge to please others, to be liked by everyone and to make everyone happy. I’ve done this in spite of my own feelings and personal needs.
I would tell myself things that weren’t true, just so that I felt validated in my efforts to be kind to everyone.
You know what happens when you assume the role of being a people pleaser?
You end up drained, depressed, confused, tired, and you ultimately lose yourself.
About 3 years ago, I started realizing that it is more than okay if people don’t like you. It is more than okay if people don’t accept you for who you are and it is more than okay if people don’t agree with you.
I’m not insisting that we be rude to others who do not like us, instead it is my intention to assure you that you have permission to stop pleasing everyone and trying so hard to get people to like you.
HERE ARE THE BENEFITS OF NOT BEING LIKED BY EVERYONE:
1. The Power of Saying NO
When you are willing to be disliked, do you know what you get in return? The ability to say NO more often. By saying no more often you get to say YES more often to you.
2. You Get To Be YOU
When you continuously please everyone, or aim to please anyone and everyone, you end up losing yourself. When you accept the notion that not everyone will like you, and you’re more thank okay with it, guess what happens? You get to free yourself by not pretending anymore to be someone you are not.
3. Harness the Power of Saying What You Mean
How often do you listen to others, but don’t agree with them entirely? Take a step further, how often do you listen to others, don’t agree with them, but still listen with an open heart? Wouldn’t you say you deserve the same as well?
The majority of people tend to form opinions while others speak. This can be seen in non-verbal cues and may keep you from truly saying what you want to say.
No matter what you say or do not say, people will form an opinion about you anyways! The lesson here: say what you mean!
4. Learn the Power of Kindness without Expectation
Doing the right thing without expectation is a beautiful act to engage in. To wholeheartedly engage with others without expectation can be a rare thing nowadays. When dealing with others who may not be your biggest fan, be kind and let your compassionate self shine through.
5. Better Time Management
When you get wrapped up of pleasing others and aiming to get everyone to like you, you end up wasting your time. How much time would you have if you let that go? Instead of consuming yourself with what others think of you, consume yourself with thoughts of what can I do to better my own life?
6. You Get to Explore The Depths of Your Own Feelings
To be exactly where you are, right now, without worrying about expectations and thoughts of others is a beautiful place to be. To just BE. To explore the depths of your own feelings and desires is a much more productive way to live.
Rita Mae Brown once said, “The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.” By letting go of the need to please everyone and to have everyone like you is a liberating and righteous act.